Want More Gratitude? Start Using These Three Words

How to cultivate an abundance mindset.

If I could ask you just one question to gauge how grateful you are, it would be this:

Do you believe life has been…
(a) unfair to you
(b) fair to you; or
(c) overly generous to you?

Most people instinctively go for (b)—after all, fairness sounds pretty good. But here’s the twist: the most grateful people tend to choose (c). They believe life has been overly generous to them.

We call this the abundance mindset—the belief that life has given you more than you expected or were entitled to. You see yourself as lucky, fortunate, blessed. And in my view, this mindset is the secret sauce to living a more grateful life. (Credit to Phil Watkins, whose research first introduced me to this idea.)

This is the principle of abundance—the second foundational principle for living a grateful life. (Click here to learn about the first foundational principle.)

Why abundance matters

Research backs this up. People with an abundance mindset tend to experience more positive emotions and fewer negative emotions. In our lab, we’ve found that people with this mindset are happier, more grateful, and can even be trained to see their accomplishments from an anti-entitlement perspective—making gratitude easier and more natural.

Now let’s be clear—we’re entitled to some things: respect, dignity, and a life free from discrimination. But we’re not entitled to everything—not even a life totally free from suffering.

Here’s where humility comes in. Humble people are more open to an abundance mindset. Narcissistic people? Not so much. If I expect the world to give me everything, gratitude will always be out of reach. But when I recognize that many of my blessings are unearned and undeserved—and it takes humility to acknowledge that—gratitude flows more freely.

How to cultivate an abundance mindset

Here are three reflection prompts to help you reframe life through the lens of abundance:

1. Kindness beyond expectation – Who has gone above and beyond to help you? What exactly did they do, and why does it matter?

2. Moments of grace – Have you had an experience where you received more than you expected or deserved? Perhaps you were given a second chance to make something right. What’s the story?

3. Unique opportunities – Have you had an experience not everyone gets—one that changed your life for the better? How does it make you feel lucky or blessed?

The three magic words

To hardwire an abundance mindset into your daily thinking and conversations, swap “I have to” with “I get to.”

• “I have to” = obligation.

• “I get to” = privilege and opportunity.

Here’s what I get to do:

I get to work in my dream job.
I get to enjoy my favorite tea every morning.
I get to talk face-to-face with my spouse every day.
I get to see my kids every weekend, even though they’re away at college.

I know I’m not entitled to these experiences, and I’m grateful for every one of them.

Your turn: What do you get to do?